my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
