WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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