i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
