Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize