Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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