YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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