Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
