So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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