you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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