The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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