After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
