Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
