i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
