something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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