No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
