fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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