Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
