Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
