theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
