Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
