the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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