We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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