Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
