thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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