Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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