Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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