i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
