Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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