Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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