I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
