She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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