she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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