i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
