Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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