She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
