Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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