I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
