just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
