WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
