no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
