My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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