fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
