I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
