good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
