just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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