Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
