wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
