Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize