Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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