I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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