Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize