the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
