dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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