I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize