end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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