Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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