I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
