Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize