Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
