just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
