Midget sex pt 2 tonight
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
