found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
