I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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