Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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