I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
