Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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