woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Are we still banned from the library?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
