It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
