His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
