My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
