evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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