Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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