i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
