Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
