just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
