If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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